Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Hi, My Name is Nicki and I Run a 12-Minute Mile

For awhile now I've been beating myself up about my running.  Let me rephrase that... I've been beating myself up about the speed of my running.  I've lost the joy of going for a run and lately I dread lacing up my shoes.  How did this happen?

I could blame a number of things, but ultimately I'm the one tearing myself down.  No one else has ever made fun of my running.  But I have.  No one else has said that running slow isn't true running, and no one else has ever said that running 10 miles isn't impressive.  But I have told myself these things over and over again.  I decided that unless I was running 10 minute mile or less it wasn't true running and anything over a 10 minute pace was just pathetic.

One of my best runs ever was my first 8 mile run.  I still dream about that run.  It was perfect in every way.  And you know what?  I ran the entire time, but it was actually slower than a 12-minute pace.  Yet this run was perfect to me.  Why have I lost sight of this????  I could probably get outside and aim for a faster pace, but what's the point if I'm absolutely miserable the entire time?  I think this is a time for me to enjoy the journey more than the end result.

When I first decided to start running I never said I wanted to run fast.  I only said I wanted to run.  When I signed up for the half-marathon my goal envisioned a finish line -- not a chip time.  Today I ran 4 miles.  And you know what?  4 miles is still tough for me.  And I think that's alright, because I'm not doing this because it's easy.  I'm doing this to fulfill a goal and to enjoy the JOURNEY of reaching that goal.  On Sunday I'm going to run my little slow heart out!  And I will be proud of my time no matter what.  I think I'm ready to accept where I am right now and who God has created me to be.  Hi, my name is Nicki and I run a 12-minute mile.

Miles: 4
Time: 47 minutes

Miles this Week: 7
Miles this Month: 35


  1. Hi Nicki! I stumbled across your blog, then your running blog. I am a bad blogger, but I enjoy reading about you because I am right about where you are in life/marriage/running/training/speed :)!! I average about 12 minute miles in my running too, and it has at times been very discouraging. I have had the same feelings as you about my "slow" running. Not just the slow running, but many of your other thoughts on this blog I can totally relate to, I feel like we are the same person sometimes! Ha. I just wanted to let you know that you are NOT alone! I have had the hardest time accepting who God has created me to be as well, which is pretty much a sloooooow runner :). But I still have grown to LOVE it and still call myself a runner. We all have our struggles when it comes to running. I am glad you realized this and are pushing the bad thoughts aside as you strive to reach your goals and truly enjoy the process. Thank you for helping me do this too! Also thank you for inspiring me to *maybe* run a full marathon. I haven't signed up for one yet, but I am looking :o). I have family in Florida so Disney might be a possibility! Good luck on Sunday, I know you'll do great! I can't wait to read your race recap.

    p.s. wish we lived closer so we could run together - it would be so nice to have a training partner who is the same speed as me :)

  2. Hi Nicki! Just wanted to offer some more encouragement. I did cross country in both middle school and high school and I was always one of the slowest on the team, but my coaches still loved me because I always showed up and tried my best. When I did my marathon last year I also did not have a certain time I wanted to finish in, but just to cross the finish line. At some points during the race I felt like I'd finish faster if I stopped to walk, but my goal was to only stop at the water stations and run the rest of the way. What kept me motivated was knowing that even though I was moving slowly, I was doing something that not many people can say they've done. Just keep that in mind for your race this weekend. You are doing something incredible and no matter how slow you are, you should be so proud of how far you've come.

  3. Hi Nicki! First of all, a big thank you for stopping by and commenting on my blog. I really appreciate it.

    I absolutely love this post. It reminds me why I love running. I beat myself up sometimes about my speed too, especially because all of my running buddies are much faster than I am. But as you said, it's so important for us to remind ourselves of why we are out there and ultimately, that's for us. We are out there for fresh air, for our health, for the sunshine, for the sweat. And that's really about us, not time or comparison or BQ or whatever.

    Keep out running out there, because you love it and that is all that matters!

  4. loved the post. it challenged me and my own mentality, too, towards myself as a runner. way to fight through the temptations to beat up on yourself and stay the course in working hard to reach your goal.

    good luck sunday!

  5. Hi, my name is Anne and I run a 7-min km (which pretty much equals a 12-min mile). ;-) You are brave for hitting the road, no matter what! I run, because I can (and because I love chocolate). My man trains for a 100km walk and does my long runs with me (walking). Does that disencourage me? No, because we will do my first half together in May. It is all about you and how running makes you feel. Be sure you already do inspire others. Good luck and lots of fun on Sunday!!!